i was gonna blog abt my sis's bday, how Prakash was there..how cool it was..
i was gonna blog abt seeing Clive at Heeren and how crazy i still am..
alas, my both coms went crazy..perhaps fate not to let me write abt happy things..

so therefore today it's gonna be a sad one
i love bryant..can't say i don't
but i want my life
i want my friends
i hate people being possessive
maybe it's my fault
i kept too much secrets
blame me if you want
but i will never allow someone to make me choose between my friends and bf
eve says i'm wrong
she says i carried it on too far
prob she's right
but i still wont choose

if tying me up makes him happy
i'll gladly give it to him
weigh my relationship and my freedom to befriend people,
i really don't want to lose both
does this mean my ability to choose will be censored from now onwards?
giving up someone for him, might not occurr only once from now on
is this what i want?
is this what he wants?

i'm a strong person
i'm a freedom fighter
but i will give him what he wants
i will at least try
cause there has to be one miserable person
so it prob'll be me

but must say
many can't take my character
some people in my life can fuck off and i won't feel a thing..some..
you should hear the mean things his friends say about me
how i'm the unworthy one
how i'm the lousy one
how everytime something happens, he should just dump me and end his ongoing misery

feel the pressure of always being the bad guy
having to fill the shoes of someone his friends have set for him
the good gf they want for him is obviously not me
but i don't care what they think of me
i really don't
i can just stay away from them
their opinion means nothing to me
but it does to him
the pressure they are putting on him
egging him to dump me
one day he is gonna cave
i know it
no man can last that long w/o any support from his friends

i havent had the worst life possible
but it hasnt been nice as well
he's supposed to be my happy place
but lately he isn't
prob i polluted him
you can call me childish but i think i will travel to whoever can make me happy
even if it's temporary
maybe like those people say, i'm not ready for a relationship
call it whatever they like
but i won't surpirse myself if i dump everyone and start clean again
because it wont be the first

-the smile is fading underneath

YAY went blacking with E.V.E..
as she said, it was such a Cinderella movie,
thank goodness we didn't have to leave a shoe behind..

I saw my fav guy there, the Mr. Macho-Gay Dancer-Exhibitionist..
boy i love that guy..he's so funny..

so we saw tey,yvonne,shuyun,chenmei there,
it seems that their gang is tighter than ours..
sigh..

roy and ter was supposed to be their,
but in the end our knees and feet hurt so bad we gotta crawl home w/o shoes..
haha!
so i reach home, collapse on the sofa and our beloved roy calls to tell us that they are queueing for black..*&^&^%^%...wassup wit the slowness?!
__________________________________________________________

it's true, i used to love that place
i still can't help seeing the past whenever i'm in there..
the past that i want to see..

yes, i remember the smashed watermelon..(i was beside eve)
yes, i remember the farting..LOL..i love Eric...
yes, i remember the 'fake' innocence that was Jerry..
yes, i remember the poor malay girl who showed up for work at the wrong place and did free labor for the MOE cafeteria..HAHA..
yes, i remember arguing over the bloody contract..
yes, i remember having to peel an entire carton of oranges every 2 days (we were THE fastest peelers!)..
yes, i remember setting up the entire place..deciding on some of the decor..
and most of all, our papa Eric..

"You are SO beautiful...to meeEEEeeE.."

Gawd i miss his singing, i miss that CD, i miss screaming that song, i miss the crew..all the PRs in the place..only that few left..

However, i feel that there's only me left in that place.
The ME without Eric, the singing, Jimmy the laksa prince, stupid boxes of cut fruits, and 6 people in the counter for a shift, the days where we had to work 16hrs almost everyday..

Eve says she lost her there, i say i never had her..

we went to PaaaaaaaaartyWorld~~~~@dunnowatbuildingitwas...
muahahhahahhaha....i wanna love you forrrreeevaaaaa...
stupid crazy bitches...
well i spent a truckload of money,
i shall not name where..lol..

you can peep at the bloody neoprints evie HAD to take
(@evie's blog)
she had to post the only one where i look like shit..
i look like a pig..
BAH
post the crown one laaah..LOL..sorry ah..

but i love it!

yesterday was B's op. It went well.
funny how i never told anyone til it's more or less over.
gonna go for his checkup today, so i cancelled work.
it's gonna be tiring shuffling between work and B's house.
but it's gonna be good.
maybe i should just stay overnight whenever i have a 7-3 shift.
but ah well.

yesterday i also went back to sf for fiona's leaving dinner.
wasn't planning on going but then B fell asleep.
so i went.
it was ok la. just a way of spending my holiday time.

and this sheena and this yk thing is closed for me.
i'm over this. i'll just go back to doing what i want to do.
at least B's ok with all these now.

provoked to comment after evie's entry.

the thing is, no matter how bad things get,
no matter what quarrels,
how can you just let her birthday just Pass like that?
i don't know if u msged her,
but if you were somebody you're supposed to be,
it's still wouldn't be enough.

enough about the bullshit,
not asking us out or whatever bla bla,
that's in the past.
what has just occurred in the present is plain to see.
did you ask her out on her birthday?
i don't have the answer but i seriously doubt it.

so...where were you?
now, i do have the answer to that question.
i know exactly where you were and whether there was a need for you to be there.
and it's a NO.
so once again you have chosen huh?

i don't want to play up what i did.
but i made the effort.

and it's time you started answering the questions directed at you.
instead of letting some one else speak up for you all the time. (whether you want it or not)

and it's time you started thinking for yourself.
instead of letting some one else tell you what to think and how to act. (whether you want it or not)

and it's time you started acting for yourself.
instead of letting some one else stick up for you all the time. (whether you want it or not)

wassup with the bodyguard? who you defending from?

how could you not make an effort?

*ps: evie, my bao za tou is yellow in room temp, so i can't dye her hair unless in air cond room :(