i was gonna blog abt my sis's bday, how Prakash was there..how cool it was..
i was gonna blog abt seeing Clive at Heeren and how crazy i still am..
alas, my both coms went crazy..perhaps fate not to let me write abt happy things..

so therefore today it's gonna be a sad one
i love bryant..can't say i don't
but i want my life
i want my friends
i hate people being possessive
maybe it's my fault
i kept too much secrets
blame me if you want
but i will never allow someone to make me choose between my friends and bf
eve says i'm wrong
she says i carried it on too far
prob she's right
but i still wont choose

if tying me up makes him happy
i'll gladly give it to him
weigh my relationship and my freedom to befriend people,
i really don't want to lose both
does this mean my ability to choose will be censored from now onwards?
giving up someone for him, might not occurr only once from now on
is this what i want?
is this what he wants?

i'm a strong person
i'm a freedom fighter
but i will give him what he wants
i will at least try
cause there has to be one miserable person
so it prob'll be me

but must say
many can't take my character
some people in my life can fuck off and i won't feel a thing..some..
you should hear the mean things his friends say about me
how i'm the unworthy one
how i'm the lousy one
how everytime something happens, he should just dump me and end his ongoing misery

feel the pressure of always being the bad guy
having to fill the shoes of someone his friends have set for him
the good gf they want for him is obviously not me
but i don't care what they think of me
i really don't
i can just stay away from them
their opinion means nothing to me
but it does to him
the pressure they are putting on him
egging him to dump me
one day he is gonna cave
i know it
no man can last that long w/o any support from his friends

i havent had the worst life possible
but it hasnt been nice as well
he's supposed to be my happy place
but lately he isn't
prob i polluted him
you can call me childish but i think i will travel to whoever can make me happy
even if it's temporary
maybe like those people say, i'm not ready for a relationship
call it whatever they like
but i won't surpirse myself if i dump everyone and start clean again
because it wont be the first

-the smile is fading underneath