moving on-this is the hard part.
when even your friends think that you are in the wrong and don't really deserve the pity.
it seems whoever did the breaking up wouldn't need much consolation.
it's harder to see the other person moving on like they are fine with it.

yes, i may have someone to fall back on now
but we both know that somewhere inside, i'm still stuck at Day 1.
it seems i never left it.

i'm not ready.
i think i'm selfish.
it's like novels when you are sad when the other is over it.
you go "what? i'm only worth this little misery?"

being labelled the 'bad guy' has consequences.
i am unsure of myself and whether i am able to handle relationships.
"what if i hurt someone again?"

i am a sinner.

Please don't.

Don't call me to say you love me and make me remember you.
Don't sms me and make me feel guilty.
Don't drown yourself in alcohol and show that you can't look after yourself.
Don't ask to meet me yet when we are both not ready. (in time, we will)
Don't waste your friends' efforts and recover fast.

I really have no regrets doing what i've done.
Leave the past behind cause i'm not coming back.

sitting alone here with nothing to do
but there's much activity outside
somehow i feel the world has stopped revolving
i'm here in a timeless space.

i still miss him.
i'm sorry but i do.
it's hard to erase 3 years of good times.
but i tell myself,
i cannot sit here and think.
cause if i do, it can only hurt
and nothing else.
has he moved on? have i?
i don't have much of a clue.
people still say i'm wrong.
they are still accusing me.
maybe that's cause they're his friends.
it isn't supposed to matter.
i shouldn't need to clear my name.
i dunno if i should feel this anger inside.
maybe they were the cause.
they were the one egging him on.
maybe they made me snap.
but i shouldn't blame them.

don't leave me alone.
it's only then when it hurts.

i want to thank you.

For your love that nobody will ever match up to.
For the memories you've given me.
For the life lessons that i've learnt.
For your never failing care and concern.
For the times you've pulled me through.

after all this, i still love you and i will always love you.
it still hurts from time to time.
when i take myself out of my hectic life and stop just to think for a mere second.
how it was, how it could have been.
then i sit and my heart cries.
but all i can do to stop my sadness is to bury myself.
and i hope that you're doing better.

please take good care.
and i hope life will be fine again.
you'll always be the one who loved me the most.
i'm sorry.

been busy these past few weeks..
what with all the relationship problems, friendship problems, money problems, life problems, career problems..

to V,
thx for continuing to pester me out..i duno whether i really am busy or is it just an excuse..but i know for sure that even if i had the time, i dont have the heart and mind to deal with other probs now..i bet you're having fun anyways..see ya..
cheers..

Also, i was gonna rant about Prakash right? Mr. Cleo Eligible Bachelor. Yeah well, he was there, i took videos, i/we took pictures..no biggie anymore..

Also, i was gonna rant about Clive..well, to prevent me from going crazy, i shall not even attempt to start..however, I LOVE YA my 15/6/85..

My birthday is coming! YAY..thankgoodness there is at least some who'll celebrate with me..

I'll be part-time supervisor now, and i stress once again, it's just more work hours..hopefully it'll work out..

Bryant still doesn't trust me..hmm..what can i do? take it as it comes then..

Lastly and most importantly, i got my SIA interview..yippee..at least i'm still on track i guess..might fail at the interview but who knows..YAY