not soon enough
it was time for another outing. it was time for me to enjoy a night out with those buggers. but i didn't.
wandered around the whole night, and as i predicted, went to jermaine's house to rot once again. not that i'm complaining, i love his couch. and as usual, i'm the first to conk out and sleep. been tired because of new york.

woke up in the middle of the night, feeling guilty. felt that i wanna leave. i wanted to go back. but as small as singapore is, tanah merah is still much too far, esp with the MN charge going on. contemplating on that $30, i decided to leave first thing in the morning.

come morning, and i guess they will remember, i hopped out of the bed and left without explanation. kev walked me to the mrt, and asked for the reason. all i could do was heave a big sigh that meant tons to me, and none to him. there are things that i can't and won't be able to explain. sometimes i think that i can tell kev, he would sympathize, not neccessarily understand..but good enough.but we all have our burdens. not fair to wallow to the poor guy.

the end result, i should've sacrificed the money. or should i? am i relieved that we got everything off our chest? am i relieved at the outcome? i don't know. i feel free. but it's a burdened freedom.

the only thing i wanted to do is to seek comfort the usual way. sing/scream/play/party/drink/crash a car. i found evie, but as i mentioned before, i don't like my friends tainting each other. i don't want to hear biased opinions, which i felt it was, to a small extent. i need an objective ear. none which i can find. it is a painful loss.

i'm gonna have my hands full with the new york trip. i don't want to do the work in this state. i cant give it my full attention, but i dont have anything to take my attention away from the ongoings of my life. i want to meet the guys often, so i can laugh at them, so that they can distract me. but i dont want to: just because.

so this is the compromise -

taking a long break
no more sleepovers